I am really bad at doing nothing.

Having grown up in a capitalist system has taught me that productivity is connected to my self-worth, that this is the way I “earn” my rest. This is certainly not something to brag about and I am constantly trying to find a balance between being productive and resting. Moving abroad to Germany, where there is considerable paid time off (national minimum of 20 paid vacation days) and generous paid parental leave, has challenged this notion for me of what it means to be productive.

Now going on close to 2 years of parental leave, I find myself redefining what productivity means to me. It has become less about creating an intensive list of career goals, chasing a certain salary, or meaningless networking for the sake of finding my next job and it has become more about learning new things that bring me joy, being creative, spending quality time with loved ones and making meaningful connections. Disclaimer: I recognize that I speak from a place of privilege as Germany offers considerate paid leave for parents, including foreigners.

Given this capitalist mindset that has been engraved in my mind, when I went on parental leave and knew I would be away from corporate work for at least one year, my mind went immediately into planning mode. What will I do during this time? How can I prepare for my next career move? When should I start networking and updating my CV? The more I healed from labor and settled into our new routines as a family, the more questions started to come up for me about my post-partum plans.

After moments of stressing out, I eventually did what I always do: re-evaluated my “overachiever” to-do list, took a step back, and reflected on how I wanted to spend this time during parental leave (die Elternzeit) in a way that is meaningful and aligns with my core values. I ended up removing about half the things on my list and narrowed it down to the things that were most important for me as both a new expat mom and career-driven person:

Spending Quality Time with Family

This has been a top priority. When I think about how I plan my day-to-day, I always prioritize family first and creating memories with the people most important to me. Whether that is through traveling or building new family traditions, spending quality time with my loved ones always comes first. Especially as a new mom raising children abroad in Germany, it is important for me to soak in these moments with my family and spend our time creating meaningful experiences.

Healing Post-Partum

I ended up getting an emergency c-section so my post-partum healing took longer than the average. According to the Statistisches Bundesamt, approximately 30% of births in Germany end up being a Caesarean surgery, so I knew before going into labor and given my birth situation (my daughter’s heart rate dropped a few times during labor) that this could be a possibility for me. I also knew that healing from a C-section after almost 30 hours of labor, was going to take a toll on my body and I needed to focus a lot on recovery specially during the first few weeks. I took part in a recovery course (die Rückbildungsgymnastik) which was paid for by my public health insurance. This course helped me with both my physical mobility and re-strengthening of my core. Given that I also had high blood pressure for the first few weeks post-partum due to labor (my Midwife shared that this is common thing that can happen to birthing mothers after labor), I also focused on eating healthy – more vegetarian meals, less sugar and salt, and getting outside for a walk everyday.

Finding my Parent Community

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to build your expat parent community abroad. This played a big role in my emotional wellbeing as a new parent abroad and helped me get through some first hard few weeks with a newborn. These are relationships I continue to foster by staying connected to online expat parent groups such as ExpatBabies Frankfurt, engaging in meaningful discussions, and meeting for in person for playdates. Now as I navigate career and professional ventures, I also stay connected to other groups such as Lean In Network, Frankfurt, Business Babes Abroad, and Expat Business Club Germany.

Learning Something New

As a new mom who is also passionate about her career, it is important for me to find things to do and learn outside of motherhood. I started this blog as a means to share my experience as a parent abroad and offer valuable resources in English to help support new expat parents in Germany. This blog has also challenge me in developing my writing skills. In addition to blogging, I have been diving more into the topic of Tech – an area where women tend to be underrepresented – and learning about innovative tech systems and tools in hopes of utilizing these new skills for my next career move.

Becoming a first-time parent is hard, especially as a foreigner in a new country navigating a new system while trying to balance career and personal life. For me, parental leave has given me the opportunity to make meaningful memories with my family, establish my identity as a new parent, and develop new skills that are essential for creating my new career path. My maternity leave has given me a chance to do this.

Parental leave looks different for every person and you should use this time in the way that feels right for you and your family. It is already a busy time as you learn to adapt to this new role as a parent while taking care of a newborn child. My only hope is that you are able to spend this time in a way that is meaningful to you. Whether that is bringing your child to a playgroup, learning a new skill, or simply finding ways to practice self-care as a new parent abroad. However you choose to use this time is the best way to spend it. Your parental leave is your own to create and as a new expat Mom, I am grateful to be raising children abroad in Germany where this time is provided to us!

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