Before moving abroad to Germany, I had my story down packed:

Maria
Only child – with 40 first cousins (literally)
Born in Dominican Republic
Immigrated to the U.S. at 8 years old
Passionate about all things feminism and women’s rights
Extensive professional experience in Sales & Recruitment
Family and close friends at the center of everything I do
Love traveling, live theater, and a good podcast

That was my story. Well, with a lot of layers, but this is what I would usually share when I would answer the question of “Who am I?”

Now as a first-time Mother, in a biracial relationship, and living abroad in Germany with my multicultural family – has added a whole new level of complexity to my story. These new experiences are constantly challenging me in ways I have never been challenged before. Without much time to process, my identity has evolved and I am a different person today than I was before moving to Germany and having my first child abroad.

This is how living abroad has influenced both my identity and view on parenting:

Patience is Key – in both Expat Life & Parenting

I have become a lot more patient with things since moving abroad and becoming a parent. These experiences quickly taught me that we cannot always get things done when we want to complete them and oftentimes, we have to wait. I learned this especially when going through the process of obtaining permanent residency abroad. As with everything in Germany, I had to complete a lot of paperwork and it was a long process to obtain it (thank you Deutschland beauracracy). Same goes with parenting, perhaps there are things I want to get done at a certain time (for example, finishing this blog post) and though I may have the motivation to get in done at a certain point, my child might need my attention in this moment. Practicing patience as an expat and parent has taught me that I will get things done, but perhaps not in the order that I wanted them to. I have grown patient enough to understand this.

Focusing more on Creating Meaningful Experiences

This is a big one. It is the theme by which my family and I make a lot of decisions. I find myself these days reflecting more on the things I find valuable and how I want to spend my time. “Will this thing/task bring value into my life?”, “Is this helping my family and I create meaningful memories?”, “How will this challenge and help me grow?” I use these questions to guide me now in a lot of my decision making. Focusing more on using my time for things that add value onto my life and help me and my family create meaningful experiences is top priority. For me, this now means finding activities that allow my family and I to spend more time together, connect and have meaningful conversations.

I Can Have Everything I want – Just Not all at Once

I learned this from a speech given by the amazing Shonda Rhimes at a Dartmouth Commencement where she so eloquently states, “If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other.” Living abroad and parenting is proving to me that this is true. We cannot have it all at the same time and parenting as well as living abroad is a constant balancing act. As someone who is passionate about her work and career ambitions, before having children, I always had my job at the forefront of everything I did. It was the way I felt most connected to my identity – to who I am. Moving abroad and becoming a parent has challenged this notion. It is reminding me, that I can be a fully present and involved parent and wife, have a well-rounded expat life, and a meaningful career – but I cannot have it all at the same time. There are times when I am more engaged and present in one area of my life, oftentimes leaving me short of energy for other parts. As an expat, my priorities have always been to stay connected with my expat community, make time for close friends and continue to learn German. Now as a parent, my priorities have shifted and I am constantly trying to find ways to give attention to all the new parts of who I am.

So now you understand a bit about who I was before moving abroad, here is how I now answer the question of “Who am I?”

Maria
First-time Mom abroad
Wife
Trilingual (German, English, Spanish)
Expat in Germany
Creating a meaningful life abroad
Challenging myself professionally and bringing my career to the next level
Helping future expats in Germany
(Still) a strong advocate for feminism and women’s rights
(Still) traveling, passionate about theater, and a good podcast!

I challenge you today to reflect on: Who are you? What do you want others to know about you? How has your identity evolved in the last few years?

expats in Germanyliving abroadparenting abroad