There is a certain nostalgia that settles in as you prepare to celebrate your child’s first birthday. I spent my daughter’s first birthday running around preparing everything for her weekend-long celebrations. I took time to plan out the logistics – what cake we wanted to bake, party theme, invitations, appetizers, games for the kids etc. I thought of every detail possible and made a checklist to keep me on track (because if there is anything you need to know about my organizational skills is that, there will always be a list!). The weekend turned out to be a dream and my daughter was so happy all weekend – everything turned out better than I could have imagined.

That night, after putting my daughter to sleep and kicking off my shoes to celebrate with a well-deserved glass of wine, I realized one thing – I spent the last few weeks preparing for my daughter’s birthday celebrations that I forgot that, this is also a time for celebration and reflection for me as a first-time parent. It is a celebration of having *survived* my first year as a new mom living abroad in Germany. So while picking out party decorations or baking that special birthday cake, this time also calls for reflection about what the first year of parenthood abroad has taught me.

As I reflect on my first year as a Dominican-American expat mom living in Germany, I think about the things that I wish I knew before becoming a mom and how I want to carry out this lifelong role. While keeping in mind that, we will continuously make mistakes and evolve along the way.

Here are my 4 unexpected lessons from my first year of parenting abroad:

Priorities will Change

When I was pregnant and preparing to have my first child, I found myself feeling the societal pressures of making sure things were in order – especially with having the material things such as a stroller, baby crib, clothing, diapers, etc. While these things were important and it did bring me some ease to have purchased some of these things in advance, now in my post-partum journey, I have new priorities in the ways I show up as a mom. Parenting for me, has become more about making sure I find ways to keep my child engaged (in activities, playgroups, and any other interactive meet-ups that foster her development). It is more about making sure we get outside every day for fresh air, integrating more fruits & veggies into our meals, and making time for creative activities. It is less about material things and more about creating memorable experiences with my family.

Conversations about the Future Happen More Frequently

Having had my child abroad and having our families spread out between two continents, I find myself having more frequent conversations with my husband about our future and where we want to be. Where do we want to raise our daughter? How long do we want to stay in Germany? What type of schooling experience do we want for our child? There is always something to consider or plan for. In discussing the uncertainties of the future, it is important to not get caught up in only thinking about what is ahead. The present is just as important as the future and if we focus more on living in this moment, it can help us have better clarity on what we want in the future once it is time to make a decision.

Navigating Career & Family Life Can be Challenging

Germany has been a great place to raise a child but, at the same time, I see the challenges of being an expat mom abroad and navigating careers. I have noticed that the German system is set up in a way that, allows a parent to comfortably stay at home with their child (through generous paid parental leave and little to no cost childcare). While at the same time, being presented with the challenges of returning back to work and balancing family and work life. The most challenging part I have found so far is that getting a spot in the Kita/Krippe (nursery school) is extremely difficult – especially in major cities like Frankfurt, where demand is high. When mothers choose to stay at home full-time during maternity leave and want to return back to work and cannot find a spot in the nursery school, they are left having to navigate the challenges of returning back to work without proper childcare options in place. I am working to find creative ways to navigate these challenges and will share my biggest tips in a future blog post!

Takes Time to Adapt to Your New Identity as a Parent

When your child is born, you are reborn in this new identity as a parent. While you carry through some of the learnings from your (old) expat life abroad, you are now living a new chapter – which forces you to grow in different ways. Having and raising children abroad has many benefits – new cultural and language exposure, trying other education systems, sometimes finding more resources and benefits for families etc. However, it can also be a challenging time as you try to adapt to being a parent and finding your own parenting style all while navigating the ins and outs of raising children abroad. Burnout can happen very quickly and you eventually learn to find ways to manage this. At the end of the day, when I feel the exhaustion from being a mom abroad raising my child far from my own family, I try to remind myself to be patient and kind to myself. Parenting abroad does not come with a rule book and if we expats know anything about living abroad is that, some things just take time to adapt.

So while you make the time to create that baby shopping list or dream of ways to decorate your child’s nursery room, I challenge new expecting expats to also take a moment to think about how they want to show up for themselves and their family in this next chapter. What values are important for you and your family? How do you want to make meaningful memories together? How will you practice self-care as a new parent? Then, at every birthday, once the candles are blown out and the guests have left, take a few minutes to reflect and celebrate just how far you have come!

expat families abroadexpat parents in Germanyhaving a baby abroadparenting abroadpregnancy in Germany